Communicable Disease.

Source:  Communicable Disease.    Tag:  communicable
I have a communicable disease.  Something women in their 40s seem to be most susceptible to.  Although it's not transmitted through normal means, people are deathly afraid of succumbing to this affliction.  My disease keeps people at arm’s length. It can be transmitted by kissing, drinking at a bar or bumping into a stranger. Once people become aware of your infliction they might cross the street to avoid exposure to becoming associated with you.  Fifty percent of the people you know are susceptible to catching it........divorce. 

Tell your friends you have a real disease and they check in on you, send meals and respond to your text messages immediately.  Tell your friends your friends you decided to leave your husband and the flow of communication begins to trickle until the tsunami comes and only the few, strong and real friends remain to help you pick up the pieces.  

Besides my family, my "girls" were my rock. We laughed loud, lived under a cone of silence and celebrated everything.  An impermeable safety net stretched that was  the foundation of our friendship and nothing fell through the cracks. We celebrated birthdays, Tuesdays and life together. We were all  the same; married with kids, financially stable and conveniences that 99 percent of people do not. I believed friendships are about the people and not the things, well, NYC proved me to be naive. 

Somewhere between the last two book club meetings, a period of 3 months it happened - everyone except me learned a foreign language - fancy girl slang. Sentences, words and phrases were bastardized and they all thought it was hysterical and I was clueless. I quickly picked up on a dinner party for couples and family vacations in a few months.  My birthday was in a few days I had yet to receive an email for dinner, drink, lunch or even coffee plans, none.  It was the first time in 8 years I wouldn't be celebrating with the girls.  Out of the six women in the room, I was the one separated working on my divorce.    Then it hit me - they didn't have time to plan my party because in 7 months is Lori's and she is already telling them what she wants. 

It is now the night before my birthday and Lori calls me, "if you dont have plans tomorrow night I will try to round up some girls for a quick drink. It was worse getting that call than having them forget about my birthday. I politely and graciously said, "That is very sweet, however, I have plans."

I left a man; I made a decision that was right for me. It was not a decision I approached lightly or hastily.  While I considered the effect my decision would have on my relationship with my kids and husband. it never really occurred to me the effect it would have on the relationships I have with my close girlfriends.

With time come’s perspective and a few great stories;  some are funny, some are sad but all of them cast light on what the first year of separation has been like for me. My hope is that you will be able to glean something useful from these "life lessons".

Chapter One
"Gone but not forgotten"

My friends father, suffering from Alzheimer's escaped the house one night. and after months of her mom trying to care for him alone was admitted to a facility to help manage his Alzheimers progression.  The invitations to dinner lasted longer than mine; it could be because they lived in Florida and not Manhattan, however our experiences were similar. What do you do with the vibrant, bright and attractive single women at the table? You dont invite her because in some crazy way you are a threat.

Chapter Two
"The land of make-believe"

This type of communicable disease can occur with a change in finances and health. The need to belong or to remain status-quo forces people to do crazy things. Drain their savings the connection with their spouse just in order to fit in.  The extent to what people do is insane.  Get invited to an event buy a dress at Bergdorf’s keep the tags in and return it the next day claiming it doesnt fit and get a full refund on the purchase.   She obviously cant stand being with herself if she can go to such drastic measures.  Her disease goes beyond be make believe.